Talk Show Time!
by LauraZabini
Summary: Meet me, Laura, in the "good evening wizarding world"-studios if you want to find out more about our HP-characters!Believe me, it's a show you must have seen...
1. The boy who lived and then died

Monday evening, 19:00 h, 'good evening wizarding world'-studios

Laura: Hello, hello! Welcome to another episode of 'good evening wizarding world' ! (waves to the cameras) Today we'll talk with Harry Potter, the boy who lived! (points at Harry who is sitting on a nearby red sofa.) Heya Harry, how're ya doin'?

Harry: Hey Laura! I do perfectly fine, thanks. I'm honored to be here tonight.

Laura: (smiles) So Harry, how's life with good old Voldie?

Harry: (sighs) Everytime I have a nightmare about him, I tell him to fuck off and to annoy somebody else, but no! (mumbles: ) can't even afford clothing, that old bastard, always wearing the same...

Laura: Oh, i'm sorry Harry...But-I have a surprise for you!

Harry: Really? What is it??

Laura: It's somebody who wants to meet you again. You haven't seen him or her for a long time now! do you have any idea who it might be?

Harry: Hmm...Let me think...Mione? Ron? Dumbledore?

Laura: Dumbledore is dead, doofes.

Harry: Oh, right. I don't have a clue! Now, tell me, who is it?

Laura: Ok, here comes your surprise! (points at a door, all lights directed at it and voldemort comes in)

Voldie: Hello Laura, thank you for inviting me. I watch your show every evening! I adore it!

Laura: Aww...thanks! Now you wanted to tell Harry something, right?

Voldie: Oh, yes, I almost forgot! Oh my god, I'm so excited! (turns to camera) Look mommy, I'm on TV!! (waves happily)

Some guy from the audience: Your mom is dead you idiot!

Voldie: WHO SAID THAT!?

Another guy: Your mom never loved you!

Voldie: That's sob no sob true! sob

Laura: Now, now...stop teasing him. (goes to Voldie and rubbes his back gently to comfort him) Could you now tell Harry the poem you've prepared? You know, this isn't a everlasting show!

Voldie: alright Laura sniff (turns to Harry)

Everyone thinks you're the hero,  
but I'M the number one,  
you're only the zero,  
my work is almost done,  
the-boy-who-lived-just-to-annoy-the-hell-outta-me  
is going to die,  
and it's not a lie!  
ah, what the fuck...AVADA KEDAVRA!! (points wand at Harry, who dies)

Laura: Uhhh...this wasn't supposed to happen, was it? (asks a camera-man who only shruggs) well, we'll be back in a few minutes with a happy engaged Ginevra-

Ginny: GINNY!!

Laura: yes, with a happy engaged Ginny and my cousin Blaise Zabini, who wants me to help him to find the love of his life!

(The audience cheers and claps)

Laura: Don't switch of the TV, we'll be back before you can say "quidditch"! Euh...stuff? Can somebody clean the mess up, please? (points at Harry's body)

Voldie: (runs around in the room) I killed Harry, i killed Harry, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...

A/N: well, I hoped you liked it! i enjoyed writing it! plz review and let me know whether to continue or not!


	2. The soon to be wife

A/N: OMG!! I'm such a bad person!!BIG FAT SORRY for the long wait!! I just had such a big writers-block, but I'm over it! So, here you go again!

* * *

Chapter 2- The-soon-to-be-wife

Laura: And here we go again! (audience claps) After we took care of this little...euhh...incident, yes, incident, we're going to welcome a new guest- Ginevra Weasley!

(Ginny trips over her own feet, but then quickly stands up and comes on the stage)

Laura: Hello Ginevra, how are you?

Ginny: I'm fine, thanks, but please call me Ginny, I hate the name Ginevra.

Molly (from the audience): I can't and will not believe that you just said that!!

Ginny: yeah, whatever, _mother_.

Laura: Alright! Now Ginny, you wanted to tell your parents something important?

Ginny: (turns to her parents that sit in the audience) Mom, Dad, I- I'm engaged (everyone gasps)...

Laura: You can do it Ginevra, I believe in you.

Ginny: Thanks Laura. I'm engaged to Rocky Lidenski...

Arthur: Who the fuck is that!?

Molly: ARTHUR!! We're on TV, behave!" (smiles innocently into the cameras)

Ginny: He's a half-blood, lives in London and is owner of the brothel "Sweet Dreams"-

Arthur: HE'S WHAT!?

Laura: Oh my god! Ladies and gentleman, did you hear that!! (to the audience; everybody nodded shocked)

Ginny: HEY! You were supposed to help and support me!

Laura: Never said that!

Arthur: You're not going to marry this piece of shit!

Laura: Oh, let her! This marriage would be the funniest thing I've ever seen!

Ginny: Why (sniff) are you (sniff) so mean!?

Laura: Awww...sorry, it's my nature.

Arthur: Well, at least you're not pregnant...

Ginny: Euhmmm...You see...The funny thing is...hehe...

Laura: Oh my god! (looks over to Arthur and Molly, who fainted and are lying at the floor)

Caretaker: Oh great, now it's up to me to clean up the mess! First the Potter boy and now this two filthy creatures!

Laura: (rolls her eyes) You'll live.

Ginny: And what about me?

Laura: What? Do you want to help him? Of course not. Go home to your brothel-guy, we'll send you your parents as soon as they wake up.

Ginny: Oh thank you so much!!

Laura: Yeah, whatever...(rolls her eyes as Ginny leaves the room) And that girl, ladies and gentleman, is only 19 years old...and she only got herself pregnant and is going to marry a brothel-guy, just because she never stopped running after Harry Potter, The-boy-who-lived-and-then-died, who was having an affair with Hermione Granger behind her boyfriend's, Ron Weasley's, back! Can you believe that!?

Ron(also in the audience): Wait-WHAT!? I am Ron Weasley!! Hermione!!

Hermione: I'm so sorry Ron!!

Laura: Whooooops, looks like I just destroyed a relationship...(shruggs) whatever...hey, I like that word...whatever whatever whatever whatever...Oh, right, I'm not at home...hehe...euhmmm...I think...anyway...We'll be back in a few moments with Blaise Zabini! Oh come on! (means Hermione, who runs after Ron to explain him everything)

Hermione: Ron!!

Ron (with his hands over his ears): Lalalalalalalalala, I don't hear you!! Lalalalalalalalalala...

* * *

A/N: Ok, this chapter isn't as funny as the previous one, but oh well...I do not have the slightest idea how to write the next chapie, bu I have a lot of time to think about it, since I'm sick and don't do anything than lye in the bed all the time :D I'm sorry for any errors, but it's half past 5 in the morning, what do you expect?? This chapter is dedicated to my cousin Natalie. Natalie, laugh, even if the demons of the depressing moments haunt you.


	3. The two unexpected visitors and Brittany

Chapter 3- The two unexpected visitors and Brittany

A/N: Sorry for the long wait guys!! Now, the summer holidays are over and I'll update more often (if schoolwork allows it). Oh right, I almost forgot to mention it: Brittany(wiccan98), my beta, visits me today at the studio!! :D

Laura: So, Ladies and Gentlemen, let's greet our new guest- oh wait...

(some mysterious guy gives gives Laura a new card)

...Oh, we have a message from Blaise, who should be our next guest! It says:

_**Haha, kiss my ass losers! I found the perfect girl for me! Muhahaha! I don't need any help! P.S. Laura, I luv Ur show!**_

Laura: Oh, we're so happy for him, aren't we?

Draco: LEAVE-ME-ALONE!! (Everybody turns to the entrance)

Pansy: But Drakie-pooh!!

Draco: DON'T CALL ME THAT!!

Pansy: But I loooooooooooooove youuu!!

Draco: I feel like throwing up!

Pansy: I wanna have your babies!!

Draco: YOU-WHAT!? LAURA, TELL HER!!

Laura: Really Parkinson, you can't have his babies.

Pansy: And why not!?

Laura: Because I say so.

Pansy: Oh really!?

Laura: Yep.

Pansy: BUT DRACO LOVES ME!!

Draco: No, I don't!

Laura: No, he doesn't!

Pansy: But-

Draco: GOD PARKINSON, IT WAS A ONE-NIGHT-STAND!!

Pansy: NO, YOU LOVE ME!! YOU HAVE TO LOVE ME!!

Laura & Draco: Why??

Pansy: Because I say so!

Laura: Hey! You got that from me!

Pansy: So?

Laura & Draco: Go and get a life. (Pansy starts crying and leaves the studio; the audience laughs)

Hermione: Ron, please, let me explain!!

Ron: Lalalala, can't hear you, lalalalala!! (They run out of the studio; Brittany comes in)

Brittany: Hey Laura!

Laura: Oy Britt!

Draco: Hey there. (Winks)

Brittany: Oh my fucking god!!

Laura: What she meant was: Oh my god, you're HOT!!

Draco (raises an eyebrow): Really?

Laura & Brittany: Yep! (Both nod)

Draco: You two are cute.

Brittany: Yeah, and you're a sex-bomb!

Draco: I've been told that once or twice (brushes with his right hand through his hair, and smiles/smirks sexily)

Laura: Bet you were!!

Some guy from the audience: Ya know we're still here!!

Laura: Oh, sorry! Yah, right...You can all go home and...eat...uh...cake? Yeah...cake...uh...I'll see ya tomorrow evening again, ok? That was "Good evening wizarding world" for today! Bye and keep watching'! Now, let's go! (Brittany and Laura link their arms with Draco's and leave the studio)

Hermione: RONALD!!

Ron: Go away!! LALALALALA!!

A/N: I don't really like the chapie, but oh well...XD plz leave a review!! xoxo, Laura


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